I’m noticing changes in my parent’s driving. What should I write down before we talk about it?

Record observations, not conclusions

Driving conversations become harder when they begin with a verdict: “You should not be driving anymore,” “You are getting dangerous,” or “Everyone thinks you need to stop.”

Before the conversation, build a short record of what you actually saw. That gives everyone something concrete to discuss without asking a family member to make a medical, functional, or licensing determination.

What to write down

You do not need a long diary. For each event that concerns you, capture a few basic details while they are still fresh.

Keep the language factual. Avoid words such as “reckless,” “incapable,” “unsafe,” or “confused” unless you are quoting a professional or documenting an official finding.

Add the context around each drive

Context matters. The same observation can mean different things depending on the situation, and context can help a clinician, driving rehabilitation specialist, or other professional understand what the family is seeing.

Look for patterns across time

One unusual drive may not tell you much. A short observation record becomes more useful when it shows whether the same type of problem is appearing again.

When you review your notes, look for patterns such as:

• the same type of event happening more than once;
• changes that appear mainly at night or in heavy traffic;
• difficulty on previously familiar routes;
• increasing reliance on a passenger for directions or decisions;
• new avoidance of certain roads, intersections, distances, or times of day;
• changes that began after a health event, medication change, vision change, or other identifiable event.

Prepare for the conversation

Before bringing up driving concerns, decide which two or three observations are most useful to discuss. A long list can feel like a case being built against someone; a few specific examples are easier to hear and discuss.

A calmer opening might sound like:

Then listen. Your parent may have noticed the same change, may have already adjusted when or where they drive, or may see the situation differently. The goal of the first conversation does not have to be a final decision.

Know when outside evaluation may help

Family observations are useful, but they are not a substitute for professional assessment. Depending on the concern, the next conversation may involve a healthcare professional, vision professional, occupational therapist, driving rehabilitation specialist, or state licensing authority.

Bring the observation record with you. Specific dates and examples are often easier to discuss than a general statement that “driving has gotten worse.”

Start building a transportation Plan B before you need it

A driving conversation is easier when it is not framed as “car keys or no independence.” Begin listing practical alternatives before any final driving decision is made.

• Which family members can reliably provide rides?
• What community or senior transportation programs are available locally?
• Are rideshare or taxi services realistic for some trips?
• Does the person qualify for paratransit or another accessible service?
• Which medical appointments require an escort or someone to remain onsite?
• How far in advance must each transportation option be booked?

The goal is continuity: appointments, groceries, social activities, faith communities, errands, and the routines that make daily life feel normal should still have a transportation path if driving becomes limited.